Saturday, August 2, 2008


hey guys, sorry I haven't blogged much this week. It's been a hard one. I have been really busy tying up all the lose ends of Todd's 10k, and then on wens morning, my uncle cecil ( my dad's brother) passed away. His funeral was on Friday. So that was hard, and kinda a reopening of an old wound since it's close to a year since I have lost my brother. But I got through it. My uncle had suffered with failing health for approximately a year as well, so I really feel that he was ready to go and tired of suffering and being so very sick.

you really wonder about what the purpose of life in general is sometimes. It can have so many wonderful moments, but also be filled with so much sorrow and pain.

my family and I are getting together on friday to have a memorial for my brother Todd. Friday will make it one year. So we are going to gather together and have a little service ( just immediate family only) on the farm, each member of the family is going to have a turn to speak or share something they have written or contribute in their own way, then, we are releasing some balloons. Which I am excited about and yes, it's my idea:o)

but I just feel so helpless... what can you do? nothing I do, scholarship, the race, nothing I do will change the end result of what happened, or really even make me feel better. However, I do want Todd's memory honored, that is extremely important to me, so if I can't have Todd here with me, the least I can do is help other people in his memory. To have something good and positive come from the darkest day in my life. I just struggle with my emotions because I keep waiting for things to get better or me to feel better, and it really isn't happening. It's just this vast void in my life knowing Todd isn't here with me and my family. I miss him so much.

well, I will try to write more tomorrow( hopefully, I will be in a lighter mood and not so dark)

the pictures: I took the barn and the day lilly with my canon EOS and the bleeding heart was taken ( at my moms) with my Nikon 35mm SLR.

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